Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Speaking Your Spouse's Love Language

I hope each of you my readers had a wonderful Valentine's Day surrounded by those you love!

With all the emphasis on love at this particular time of year, I thought I would share a post about love languages. It can be all too easy as homeschooling families to put all our time, energy, and passion into our homeschool while allowing our marriage relationship to suffer. This is never a good idea, of course.
I do not write marriage posts very often since this is such a private and personal subject, but I did want to share a couple things that my husband and I have found to be very helpful and eye-opening to us as a couple.

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First of all, if you have not yet read a copy of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then I highly recommend you find a copy! (There are also editions of this book that are geared toward singles and even children. If you give or receive love...you can benefit!)

My husband and I read through this book while we were engaged and have gone through it again several times since we have been married.

Basically, the author introduces the 5 basic ways that different people give or receive love. They are:

-Words of affirmation
-Physical touch
-Acts of service
-Quality time

Each of these represents a different "love language." Most people have one (or maybe two) primary love languages that they are most comfortable "speaking" and receiving. So it is extremely helpful to know which love language is most important to your spouse in order to show your love to them in a way they will best be able to receive it.

Does this mean that if your husband's love language is, for example, words of affirmation, then all you would ever have to do to show him love is to speak encouraging words and write him love notes every day? No, the other love languages are still good to use, but it DOES mean you would definitely want to be intentional about regularly giving him those affirming, encouraging words he so longs to hear from you!

And what if you say, "That just isn't me?" You do not do well at expressing words of love, appreciation, gratitude, and encouragement to your husband (or anyone else for that matter!). Then you probably have a different love language, but you can show your husband so much love by learning how to speak his language! Get outside your comfort zone a little bit. Marriage is not about doing what comes easiest for you. Marriage is about losing your selfishness and putting the other person's needs above your own. That is true love!

My husband and I recently completed this free love language quiz to help us to sort out what our individual love languages actually are. I encourage you to do the same! Our results surprised us both at first! But upon further examination of ourselves and our unique personalities and life experiences, we realized that not only were our quiz results spot-on, but the specific ways in which we feel truly loved has had a tremendous impact on our lives and our marriage!

When I began the quiz I thought perhaps quality time was my primary love language. BUT as I answered the questions that were asked and truly began thinking about what really makes me feel loved, I realized that was not actually the case. My own personal primary love language by far was actually words of affirmation! Then in second place was acts of service, followed by quality time, then physical touch, and last of all receiving gifts. And the more I have pondered on this, the more I see it is true! If my husband tells me something that he loves about me, or that I look nice, or that I did a great job at something, or if he leaves me a sweet little love note; I am over the moon! That is what REALLY makes me feel loved.

I had (quite mistakenly!) assumed that my husband's love language was words of affirmation. Since this is my primary love language, it is also the one I "speak the most fluently." I love words! So I am always leaving him notes, telling him how much I love him, and such. He does appreciate all that, of course. But after taking the quiz and discussing it more with each other, we discovered this is not my husband's primary love language at all.

And in fact, my husband actually has 2 primary love languages! That means he gives and receives love most easily in 2 ways. His primary love languages are acts of service and physical touch. (And I must say he really does communicate his love to me in both these ways exceptionally well! I really should have known these were his languages all along!) Now I realize that if I truly feel like I want to show him some love, I can pack him a delicious lunch or offer him a back massage. For him, actions speak much louder than words. His two primary love languages were followed by quality time, then words of affirmation, and last of all receiving gifts.

This has been very eye-opening as we each have looked back and realized how the other spouse has been communicating their love all along, just in ways that seemed "foreign" to the other partner sometimes! Now we are more able to both give and receive love in ways that are most meaningful to us! What a blessing!!

Click here to get your own copy of The 5 Love Languages book!

Click here to take the FREE Love Language Quiz!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing! I'm excited to take the quiz!


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